Monday, March 24, 2008

A New Geologist Survivor TV Show

Well, not really.... There is, once again, an email going around to various geological types (this is the second time I've seen it) which refers to Uncyclopedia's take on Geologists. The email circulating now, describes a 'geologist survivor-type' show, supposedly being considered by CBS in 2008 (reality TV?).

They were successful in finding nine geologists, 6 males and three females, between 25 and 50 years of age, and they quickly set up the first challenge; researching an active volcano in the Phillipines. The geologists and camera crew set up camp near the bottom of the volcano. The camera crew filmed the nine geologists bonding. The geologists were supplied with alchohol (a common strategy to loosen up the cast in reality TV), but the camera crew was surprised to notice that even after drinking gallons of the liquid, the geologists did not change their behavior, and continued talking in an obscure jargonized language about 'bombs', 'breccia,' and 'lahars,' none of which made for good reality TV.

Does the above sound at all familiar? I'm reminded of certain Death-Defying Geologists and their lava photos! The reality-TV-type testing goes on, with the geologists just not being able to leave or be voted off the show.
Finally, few of the scientists [geologists] seemed to understand the concept of 'voting off' another member. After consulting a nearby university, the crew finally explained that the geologists were 'competing for a GSA research grant.' This didn't go well either, as the geologists pointed out that they didn't have the time to write a research paper. Finally, they were simply told to get rid of someone on some sort of criteria. After a council, the geologists decided that whoever had the worst aim with a rock hammer would be told to leave.

Congratulations to certain geoblogosherians who have recently completed such research-type papers (and sorry if I've left some of us out!). As you can see above, geologists are simply not well suited to reality TV, since they (we) have their own way of doing things. The second event that is designed to get rid of some geologists takes place in Alaska.
The second event, landing in a bush plane in upper Alaska, was a complete failure. None of the geologists were nervous at the idea, which destroyed the drama the crew was hoping for, and worse yet, no-one in the production crew was willing to accompany the geologists to the site, out of sheer terror. The result was that small cameras were given to two of the geologists to film themselves. When the footage and geologists returned, the editors found tapes filled with footage and commentary about mountains and 'glacial erratics'. Only ten percent of the footage featured humans, and most of that footage was simply the petrologist standing by outcrops for scale.

By the time the production reached Hawaii, most of the camera-crew had quit (because of the steady diet of chili and the dangerous situations), and only five of the geologists were left; not because they had been voted off, but because they had been over-excited by rock formations at various locations and had refused to leave. Moreover, paying for an almost-constant supply of beer and transportation of the geologists' luggage (which mainly consisted of rock samples and unmentionably dilapidated field clothing), had almost exhausted the budget. CBS finally pulled the plug on the project in January of 2008, despite their fear that they might be sued for withdrawing the promise of a prize; however, none of the geologists sued, as they were still under the impression that they needed to publish a research paper to receive the money.

As you can see, geologists are simply not suited for reality shows, living as they (we) do in their (our) own reality. The rest of the article entitled "Geologist" is also interesting (although some parts are more humorous than other parts), and it includes a section about "Geologists in the Movies." Sound familiar? And more:

How to spot a Geologist
To spot a geologist in the wild, look for:
  • Hand-lens, compass, pen-knife, handcuffs etc. tied round neck with string. ...
  • When helping someone move and you ask "is this box full of rocks?" They answer "yes, be careful."

If you remain unsure, ask the subject to draw an annotated diagram of a trilobite. A true geologist will immediately reach for their waterproof notebook - this is your opportunity for escape.

And so it goes...

UPDATE: This part of the Unclyclopedia article on geologists has apparently now made it into hard print - see Highly Allochthonous for links.


Chuck said...

I know of a drill crew that was a survivor spin-off. The offsiders had never been out bush before, and the driller was forced to take anger management classes after throwing a bit at the owner of the rig.

Instead of expelling people whole, though, it was more of a hydraulic amputation roulette.

Silver Fox said...

Yeah, you've got to watch the drillers that throw things. I prefer to get them off the job, but it has been pretty hard to find drillers, drill rigs, parts, helpers - it seems to be getting better, though.